A few months ago, my 7th grader had to read a story from her giant literature text book. She was tired and not in the mood, so I offered to read it to her while we snuggled under her covers.
The title of the story was What do Fish Have to do with Anything written by Avi. We giggled at the title and we were certain the story would be absolutely LAME.
Well, as I began to read, the story quickly drew me in.
My Lovey’s eyes began to droop, but my eyes perked up and rapidly marched across the lines of the story.
The main characters were a boy, his single mom and a bum. Without rambling on and on, the message of the story is “People always need more than they say”.
The mom was unhappy.
The boy wanted to know why.
The mom said she was fine and didn’t like to talk about “nonsense”.
A teacher told the boy there are fish that live in a cave and they are blind, because why do you need to see when you live in a dark cave?
The boy thought his mom was like the fish. Sort of.
The bum enlightened the boy with the words “People always need more than they say”.
As I write this, I am realizing that I’m doing an awful job trying to retell the message. It has been a few months since I read it…..
Anyway, in a nutshell, that night, when I was reading that story aloud, I paused a few times to take it all in….this awkwardly titled story about blind fish was speaking to me. Now that is nonsense!
My daughter was sleeping by the end and I sat there with a big “Well, I’ll be….” look on my face.
It made me think…….”What am I doing dwelling in this yucky (think dark cave with creepy blind fish) “where do I go from here” post-divorce state of mind. Snap out of it woman!”
So it was the fish, the blind fish, who have no choice but to live in that dark, dreary cave, that caught my attention, in some weird way.
How stupid is it, that it takes a simple story, in a middle school literature book, to speak to me? Oh well…..
So, things are going to happen and change. As much as I hate to be all hopeful, for fear of the old jinxing thing, and think “This is MY year!”, I’m going to do it anyway.
I am done with this cycle of post-divorce uncertainty! It is pointless, has done not a single positive thing for me and could have turned me into a blind fish, shut-in kind of person. Sort of.
I am so, so, so ready for the happy, confident, independent, adventurous, single mom phase!
For the record….this is not my best post. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and I haven’t posted anything here in over 2 months! So, I am just going to hit “publish”, so I can get to the next one. Hopefully, sooner than 2 months.
And for my few family and friends who have asked for some new material and are sick and tired of seeing the “goose poop shirt story”, here you go!
I fully understand the post-divorce funk you describe. It can be debilitating and blinding.
Thank you for hitting “publish” on this post. The moral of the story is that we all get the messages we need when we need them, normally from unlikely sources (we would probably ignore the likely ones!). Because you weren’t expecting to be preached to by your child’s book, your mind was open. You obviously were ready for your “enough!” moment.
Enjoy the gift that is life each day. As you know, things are not as dark now as they were before. It will keep getting better, just not always linearly.
It’s so good to see you posting again. Like Tammy, I’m glad you hit “publish” on this. You never know what smalll things will trigger big thoughts, hopes and ideas.
It would be easy and tempting to sit and sink into the post-divorce funk that you describe. Sounds trite but climbing out starts with just one small step. So go for it! You’re a strong confident woman who has dealt with the dark and is ready for the light! I’m smiling for you.
Have you and Elle be sharing plans for 2012 and forward? Go girls!