The story behind ‘Second Chance Moon’

December 2004

It was Christmas Eve night.  My children were giddy.  We grabbed the carrots and reindeer dust to leave on the driveway for our late night visitors. The sky was clear and dark, except for the brilliant beam of the moon. 

My children and I stepped off the front porch.  My daughter walked a few steps ahead. I was behind her holding my 2-year-old son’s hand.

He slowly raised his chubby, little finger up to the sky and said, “Mamma, look at the moon.”

“OK”, I said, “Come on, we have to get the food out for the reindeer.” I moved him along quickly toward the driveway.

March 2009

OK????? We have to get the food out for the reindeer?????  Did we live on a reindeer farm?  Was this our nightly chore? 

My stomach is tight as I blankly stare off, the way you do when your mind is drenched in thought.  Deep sadness takes over. 

My heart sinks as I watch this video. I am standing at the kitchen counter four years later, watching this memory through the lens of my camcorder.

Why does this video make me sad?  It’s just one moment in time. 

But I feel as though I’ve lost something.  I begin to cry and the tears will not stop. What kind of mother am I? 

My little man was amazed by the sight of a really gorgeous moon and on Christmas Eve, of all nights.  And I totally blew him off.  I couldn’t be bothered to stop and enjoy that one moment in time with him.

The video haunts me for days. I feel an overwhelming sadness. The image of that little finger pointing toward the night sky plays over and over in my head. My “busy, no time for distractions” attitude plays over and over in my head.

March 2009 – 5 days later

My kids and I were walking toward the car one evening after a school function. My daughter walks a few steps ahead.  I am holding my 6-year-old son’s hand. “Look at the moon, Mom”, he says.

This child is not moon obsessed in any way.  I am certain this is only the 2nd time he has ever said those words to me.  Really.

My feet stop.  We stand in the middle of the parking lot.  Cars? What cars? They can go around us.

My stomach tightens.

This is my second chance. This is my Second Chance Moon.

“It’s beautiful”, I say. “Look how big it is”, I say. “It’ called a full moon”, I tell him. “It looks so big and bright, doesn’t it?”, I ask him.

What else?  What else can I say about this moon?? I want this moment to last forever. I want to stand here with his little 6-year-old hand in mine forever and stare at this gorgeous moon. Forever.

June 2010

I’m not sure how I got us home that night.  My mind was full of the image of that moon and my heart was filled with joy and thanks.

As I write this, my son most certainly does not remember that moon. I will never forget that moon.

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